He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love having hate sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
