shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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