Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
