i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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