real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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