Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
