I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My vagina is officially offended.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
