im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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