im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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