She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
