Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
