So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
