I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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