Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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