Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
