I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
