yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
