Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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