i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
