How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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