you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You made out with two different species that night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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