I'm so fucking centered right now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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