I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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