Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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