Capitaan dildo arrescate!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
