It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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