Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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