Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
