Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
