i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
third nipple confirmed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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