I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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