Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
