It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
