drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
