Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
