just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
