i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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