yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
