If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
