Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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