I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Vodka?
Forever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
