I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
