I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
