y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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