you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
