i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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