My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
