So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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