So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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