Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
