Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
