Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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