you win again, gameday.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
