Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
