Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
