dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
