I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
