one two three fourrrrnication!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
