Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
