i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
