The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm always down for nudity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
