drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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