He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
