so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
