i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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