you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize