last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
