Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
