Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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