I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
