Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
