I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
