I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize