Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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